


Of muted words and kept feelings

by fueled_galaxies



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 16:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10970613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fueled_galaxies/pseuds/fueled_galaxies
Summary: Baekhyun regrets everything when best friend Chanyeol confesses that he loved him ever since during his wedding reception.





	Of muted words and kept feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Author: fueled_galaxies  
> Title: Of muted words and kept feelings  
> Word Count: 3,013  
> Rating: PG-13 (For the angst lol)
> 
> Disclaimer: The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> Notes: I have Tori Kelly's Should've been us stuck in my head since last week and I just really had to write this. Posted my prompt idea on my twitter @sproutbaek. Will probably also post the fic there, I just wanted to post this here in case someone wants to read it in one go. I haven't written angst in such a long time and this might appear to be cheesy lol. I blame chanbaek for everything.

Baekhyun didn't want to do anything but sit for a moment. Him and Kris has been going around to every table to take pictures with the guests they had. They were currently on table 10 when Baekhyun motioned for Kris that he needed a break. His new dress shoes were killing him already. No one really gave him a heads up that weddings were this tiring. 

It still feels a little bit foreign in his own tongue when he mentions to everyone where Kris is everytime they ask him where the groom is, where his new husband is. He just feels weird, to have a sudden upgrade on a 3 year relationship he was quite surprised would end up this way. 

 

He headed straight to the terrace to take a breath of fresh air. He told Kris he’d be there for a short 15 minute break before he roams around to the guests again. He sat at one of the garden chairs facing the view. He was in the middle of stretching his legs when a glass of champagne was being held infront of him. Baekhyun gladly accepted the glass before beaming a smile to his best friend. 

"You tired already? The party hasn't even started much yet." Chanyeol started, dragging the chair to sit next to Baekhyun. 

"My shoes are killing me Yeol. We're not even finished taking pictures with every table. I just needed a break." Baekhyun complained, hands massaging his knees. He's been standing for a good 2hrs right now ever since him and Kris entered the reception hall. He feels like shit and his make up might be a mess too even though everyone keeps telling him that he's glowing. He thinks it's just a mandatory greeting to someone who just got married. 

"It's your wedding baek. You can basically do whatever you want and people will let it pass." Chanyeol gave him a smile before looking at the view as well. The moon  
looked so serene tonight.

“How about you, what are you doing here?” Baekhyun asked.

“Nothing. I wanted to get out for a moment too.” Chanyeol explained, he unbuttoned his coat. “I didn’t know you’d be here too.” 

They stayed in silence for awhile. Baekhyun was glad, to sit in silence with Chanyeol just beside him. He would trade anything else in the world right now just to bask into this feeling a lot longer. 

 

All day, Baekhyun was supposedly agitated if regret would suddenly start to kick in his system throughout the whole event. Overall the ceremony ended without a hitch with both him and Kris saying their I do’s on time. Nothing was out of place, and everything just seemed so perfect, too perfect to Baekhyun’s liking. He’s about to feel proud of himself without double checking his decision the whole day, not until now. Right now he’s starting to question himself if he’s actually made the right decision. The right decision to marry Kris and supposedly live a happy life together. He’s in no way doubting how Kris loves him. He knows the man cherishes him with every fiber of his being ever since they met. He knows Kris is a good guy, that anyone would be lucky to have him, that he’s very lucky to look forward to the rest of his life with him. 

But he still thinks it feels so wrong and he doesn’t deserve this.

 

But don’t get him wrong, he loves Kris. He has grown to acquire feelings for the latter that really did nothing but make Baekhyun feel that he’s the most beautiful person he’s ever met. Kris pursued him with so much perseverance ever since Yixing introduced them together. He’s had many priceless moments with him, enjoyed every bit of feeling and realization that someone actually loves him so much like this. Even though he does feel bad that he knows the amount of love he’s receiving isn’t the same as what’s he giving, Kris makes it seem that love shouldn’t be amount measuring the feelings involved, as long as there was these feelings between them, then it was okay. Because knowing that someone loves you like this is very overwhelming and Baekhyun doesn’t exactly understand how this thing works. Because for most parts of his life, it never went this way. Baekhyun knows more of the feeling of loving someone that wouldn’t look at you with a second glance, rather than knowing somoene is practically ready to give you the whole world. Because Baekhyun had always been accustomed to loving somoene who never really did managed to accept your feelings even though you’ve been blatant about it. Because he knows how it hurts to love someone who treats you just as a bestfriend and nothing more. Because it hurts to love someone like Park Chanyeol that doesn’t even love you the way you want him to.

 

Baekhyun was too immersed into his thoughts when Chanyeol suddenly tapped his shoulder. 

“Huh?” Baekhyun asked, face suddenly looking at his bestfriend. Chanyeol looked so beautiful right now, Baekhyun could feel his heart break a little everytime Chanyeol would smile at him like that. He wished every smile Chanyeol makes was made by him, was for him.

“I said you’re spacing out again.” Chanyeol chuckled, taking another sip from his champagne glass. “Are you really that tired?”

Baekhyun just gave him a smile grin, also taking a gulp of his champagne. “Yeol, Can I ask you a question?” 

“Sure.” Chanyeol noticed Baekhyun’s eyes that was shifting. He seemed bothered. “Is there something wrong Baek?”

“Nothing.” Baekhyun lied. “I just wanna ask you something, that’s all.” 

“You sure?” Baekhyun nodded. “Well okay, shoot.”

Baekhyun craned his neck to look for Kris for awhile to see if he’s within reach or not. He half smiled when he sees him about 5 tables away from him and Chanyeol, entertaining some of his coworkers. He knows he has a good 15 minutes to talk this out.

“It’s about Kris.” Chanyeol looked confused. “Do you think he’s alright?”

“What do you mean if he looks alright? Is he sick?” 

“No. I mean, if he’s alright. You know, being my husband and all.” Baekhyun was fumbling with the hem of his coat. It really feels so weird how the word rolls off his tongue “You think we’d live a happy life together?”

Chanyeol was very confused. He could see Baekhyun’s shoulder in a slump as he stared at the hem of his coat. “Baekhyun what do you mean? Are you regretting all of this?”

Chanyeol spoke in hushed tones and Baekhyun felt his heart would burst in a moment. Should he answer yes?

“I dunno.” He uttered, it’s safe to sound unsure than to actually blurt out the truth. He still stared at the floor. “I don’t know if this is the right decision at all or if I’d regret  
it if I didn’t say yes to him when he proposed before. I mean how can I, he conspired with all of my students just for the proposal.”

“Baekhyun.” Chanyeol held his hand. It sent him waves of emotions that Baekhyun would gladly accept everyday, instead of this gnawing feeling in his heart. “You don’t love him?”

“No.” He whispered. ”I mean I do love him, Yeol. But I’m not sure if it’s the right kind of love that would last me a lifetime with him. I don’t think I could ever give him my whole heart.”

Baekhyun was trying so hard to hold the tears in because he knows he can’t make a scene and that would lead to Kris Kris questioning him a lot and he’s not sure if he’s ready for a solid confrontation right now. 

“But why not?” Chanyeol continued to soothe Baekhyun’s hand. “You’ve been dating the guy for three years. And you told me you were happy, and you just had this smile Baekhyun. I thought you were okay.” 

“I don’t know.” Baekhyun tried to wipe a tear starting to fall. “Maybe because I was overwhelmed? He was the first guy to love me as if he’d give me the whole world when I asked for it. I got carried away.” 

He looked up to Chanyeol. “I didn’t know how to respond to someone who would have feelings for me like that. Because I’ve been so used to loving someone quietly without anything in return. Because Chanyeol do you now how it feels to have feelings for someone like your heart’s about to burst any second you’re with them? And then you have that urge to just say fuck it and confess everything what’s on your damn heart and mind, but then fear just suddenly creeps into your system and you eventually draw yourself back because yeah, you’re afraid it might ruin everything. Because what lies between you and him is something that’s already making you so happy." 

 

Chanyeol was taken aback. Baekhyun was slightly shiverinng and all he wanted to do was envelope his friend in a tight hug. Instead he grabbed Baekhyun’s arm and just rubbed it. Baekhyun was trying so hard to hold back his tears. It was painful to watch in Chanyeol’s part but all he knows is that he has to be there for Baekhyun.

“This is making me confused Baekhyun.” Chanyeol confessed, hands still sending warmth to Baekhyun’s slightly trembling hands. “I don’t understand what you’re trying say here Baek.” Chanyeol wasn’t sure if he’s supposed to assume things now because goddammit Baekhyun had always been so hard to read.

Baekhyun just continued to sob silently, he’s still trying with all his might to not burst into a full on cry because people will question him when he re-enters the venue. But the tears won’t stop, it still feels so overwhelming.

“Are you trying to tell me that there’s someone else Baekhyun?” Chanyeol stared at him. Baekhyun still refused to meet his gaze. “Tell me Baek, is there someone else? Because I don’t think I could ever go through the thought of you having someone else again.” 

Chanyeol purposefully whispered the last things he said before they were engulfed in silence was again, until Baekhyun realizes what he just had said.

“W-What do you mean?” Baekhyun stared at him, eyes brimmed with tears. “Tell me”

“I-----“ Chanyeol stared at the floor. “I told myself I’d be able to take this out on my own. To not tell you until I die because I know it would ruin everything.”

Chanyeol heaved a sigh before staring into Baekhyun’s eyes. He feels so hurt to see how Baekhyun’s eyes looked so pained. “I love you Baek. More than you could ever imagine. More than everything combined in this world. I told myself that I wouldn’t say anything because I saw how happy you are with Kris even though I’ve loved you even before he got into the picture.”

Baekhyun was about to cry his heart out when Chanyeol just continued to secure his hand on his own, signaling that there’s more to say.

“You’ve always been special to me Baek. You were never just a best friend, you are always more than that and I know I’m such a fucking idiot to watch you be happy with others while I was trying so hard to move on from someone like you.” Chanyeol was starting to choke on his own words. “Remember that rainy day during 3rd year in uni?  
When we had to run for cover to the bus stop because you forgot your umbrella at the apartment and I never brought one? I was about to confess to you that night Baek.”

Baekhyun looked at him, still trying to stay calm, for his emotions not to consume him. “Why didn’t you?”

“Got scared.” Chanyeol confessed. “You were being sappy that day and on the bus ride home I was planning all the things I was supposed to say to you when we got back home, but then I chickened out.” 

Chanyeol was trying so hard not to start sobbing as he remembers that fateful day. “You said that you were so glad that you had a best friend like me in your life. That I was a constant source of strength when people started leaving. I think you were going through a break-up with a senior back then. You said that a best friend would never leave your side and that you loved me so much as a friend and I thought that yeah, maybe I would always be that friend that remained constant in your life.”

 

Chanyeol started sobbing, his eyes started stinging but he kept on going. “That being a friend and nothing more wouldn’t hurt so much because then I’d get to spend so many days with you. I hoped to be so much more Baek, and it hurt so much to constantly remind myself that I have to set the boundaries because I don’t want to hurt what we already have.” 

Chanyeol tried to wipe the tears carelessly streaming down his face. “I don’t want to be the asshole that ruined the friendship that was going so well because I had to be greedy and be something more. I just wanted to be with you Baek, to make you happy when jerks were making me cry. Being with you was enough. Even if it hurts at the same time.”  
Baekhyun couldn’t even explain the pain that was seeping through his chest as he watched Chanyeol cry his heart out infront of him. The pain just doubled only to know that he was the source of it all.

“Y-You could’ve told me Chanyeol.” Baekhyun stated, now his turn to grip Chanyeol’s hand so hard in his, afraid that the other might let go. “We’ve been friends for like 7 years, you could’ve atleast said something. You should’ve been brave, because I wasn’t”

“If I had known, even an ounce of what you felt for me, I would’ve dropped everything and just ran into your arms Yeol.” Baekhyun confessed, he held Chanyeol’s chin to look at him. “If you could’ve atleast shown any type of sign that you loved me the way I love you know, then it should’ve been us having the wedding right now. Not me and Kris.”

“W-What?” Chanyeol was still hiccuping from the tears that just won’t stop. “Are you saying--?”

Baekhyun just nods, and he could see Chanyeol sobbing again. “As cliché and dramatic as it sounds right now Chanyeol, I’ve loved you so much that I don’t even know how to explain it anymore.” Chanyeol started caressing his hands on his cheeks. “I guess I’ve always loved you more than anything in the world Yeol. Everyday I would just wish that maybe if you felt something for me too, or showed like a sign or something that you didn’t think of me of just a friend, then maybe I’ve had the courage to say everything to you when I had the chance.”

 

They stayed silent for a moment, just basking in the moment that they were in. All the regret starts flowing and they could never blame anyone else but themselves.

“Where does this leave us?” Chanyeol asks, hands still holding Baekhyun’s.

“We’re still here Yeol. We’re still at my wedding with Kris. We’re still stuck in a place where we’ve always been. We’re still at the standstill of what ifs have our decisions been different.” Baekhyun says and he feels his own heart breaking on the words that he has uttered.

“Why does it hurt so much right now Baek.” Chanyeol says, eyes starting to brim with tears. “Why does it hurt much much more now even though I know that you love me like I love you?” Chanyeol’s voice was pleading and all Baekhyun can do was cherish the moment they were in.

“We lost our chance Yeol.” Baekhyun explained. He cupped Chanyeol’s face. “Now we just have to live with the regrets that comes along with the wrong decisions we’ve made. I just can’t leave Kris like that, Chanyeol. As much as I want to run away and be with you for the rest of my life. I can’t leave him behind, not when I know that he never did anything wrong.”

 

 

Chanyeol just caressed Baekhyun’s hand on his face. He atleast has to remember every moment he has of them right now. To remember the moment where Baekhyun has finally reciprocated the feelings that he has for him, even though he knows he would never get the happy ending he always had hoped for them.  
Baekhyun just gave him a soft smile, and Chanyeol did the same. This just had to be the ending of the short lived love they didn’t even imagined would exist.

 

“Baekhyun?” Soft knocks on the glass door were heard before the knob was being turned. Baekhyun immediately tried to fix himself as Chanyeol immediately chose to face out the terrace for his tear stricken face not to be noticed.

“Yeah, come in.” Baekhyun’s soft answer. “I was just about to go out.” Kris greeted him with a peck on the cheek before noticing his ruined make-up.

“You okay? Babe we’re you crying?” Kris asked, worry lingering on his voice. His hand immediately went to Baekhyun’s face to caress it.

“I’m fine.” Baekhyun smiled onto his touch. “Chanyeol was just being sappy.” 

Kris chuckled. “He’s already making you cry when he hasn’t even said his best man speech yet.” Chanyeol was still suppressing the urge to cry.

“Anyways, let's get out there?” Baekhyun asked, fingers lacing to Kris’.

“Let’s go Mr. Wu” Kris gave him a smile. 

Baekhyun was tailing behind Kris, about to go out the door. He gave Chanyeol one last look and he regrets it. Chanyeol was smiling at him, eyes glimmering with nothing but happiness for his best friend. Baekhyun did the same and walked out the door.

 

For the second time in his life, he just let Baekhyun slip out of his grasp just like that. Some things were just simply not meant to be.


End file.
